Skip Bayless Confident Cowboys Will Perfect Art of Dramatic Losses This Season

DALLAS—Ahead of the upcoming NFL season, Skip Bayless has confidently predicted that the Dallas Cowboys will master the art of delivering dramatic and gut-wrenching losses every week. 

"This season, Cowboys fans can expect heartbreak like they've never experienced before," Bayless declared, arranging a collection of vintage tissues and a custom-made "Choking Hazard" sign for his studio. 

Sources close to Bayless revealed he's been studying the intricacies of late-game collapses and missed field goals, meticulously planning post-game analyses that will leave viewers questioning their allegiances. "It's all about setting realistic expectations," Bayless explained, sketching diagrams of potential fourth-quarter fumbles and Prescott interceptions. 

Despite his grim forecasts, Bayless remains optimistic that each devastating defeat will pave the way for unparalleled drama and a surge in viewership for his emotional post-game breakdowns. 

At press time, Bayless was reportedly considering launching a hotline

for distraught fans to cope with the inevitable roller coaster of Cowboys football.